Respect my personal space!
Have you ever had someone stand so close to you, that you feel dizzy? Personal space is a thing, quite literally. Get it wrong, and you start off on the wrong foot in communication without saying a single word. At times, we cross our arms, take a step back, excuse ourselves, or place the objects we are carrying in front of us, but some don’t really don’t get the memo, do they? Well, better be certain that you aren’t one of them.
Proxemics is the study of personal space and the degree of separation individuals maintain between each other in social situations. Quite a mouthful, isn’t it? In simpler, fewer words, it is the study of people’s territory and the implications of space in relationships with others. This concept was thoroughly explored by Edward T. Hall in his book, “The Hidden Dimension”. Depending on the type of relationship, spatial boundaries are maintained. This is one of the indications that something a little more than discussions about team building activities is going on between your coworkers, when the leaning in is a bit too much. Well, unless either party is unaware they are invading each other’s space.
Edward Hall lists four zones with regards to proxemics: Intimate, Personal, Social and Public zones. The intimate zone ( 1- 46cm) is limited to our very close friends and family, and significant other. It involves direct physical contact such as touching, hugging and whispering. Handshakes aren’t included because ample space is created when extending arms to do the shake. The next zone is Personal, panning 46cm to 1.2m. This is for interaction with friends, family and good acquaintances. Handshakes fall within this zone. Depending on the culture, the distance may be closed when extending handshakes, which may be a sign of favor or intimidation.
The social zone (1.2m — 3.7m) is maintained between colleagues in formal settings and new acquaintances and strangers in public spaces. It is generally permissible to be in another person’s social space, but the non-verbal communication around it will make it either intimidating or acceptable. Finally, we have the public space (beyond 3.7m) for speaking in front of large audiences such as conferences, classrooms, e.t.c.
“Well, so what?”, you may ask. One of the reasons this is important is because you don’t want to start the communication process on the wrong foot. Too little or too much distance between communicators can be perceived as rude depending on the culture. It is common in Kenya to stand close to people even when the two are strangers. An example of this is when asking for directions. Though a fading tradition, kisses on both cheeks are a way of exchanging greetings especially traditionally. However, this would be frowned upon in Japan or North America. Another reason is because adhering to someone’s need to maintain an appropriate distance reinforces the other person’s ability to feel secure especially in a new environment. The last thing you would want is having a guest from a different culture have to worry about their privacy around you. This entails not going through their personal belongings at any point. At hospitals, the doctor usually sits or moves down to the patient’s level to help the patient feel more comfortable. Otherwise, the experience facilitated by the height distance can appear intimidating rather than favorable.
When a mismatch occurs between what you think the distance ought to be and what it is, attribution happens. Cross cultural miscommunication can arise when you make the wrong attribution, such as perceiving that someone is too pushy or aggressive (personal attribution) compared to their cultural rule on space (situational attribution). It could even be that population density affects the space between each other. Places with high population density tend to have more relaxed rules on space compared to those with low density. It is not possible to exercise personal space in a crowded elevator or subway, that does not mean other people do not respect you. People, in such situations, will tend to shield themselves psychologically by closing their eyes, reading books, listening to music or staring at their shoes. However, one can mistakenly assume that they are being rejected by the other culture.
Be observant of cultures beyond yours. Look at how their restaurants are organized. Is the space because of the size of the restaurant or because of the culture? Do you research well, so that you are certain when you are being prejudiced against, or when it’s simply the discomfort of not knowing how to share space with someone from another culture. When you notice someone take a step back in their conversation with you, perhaps they are feeling uncomfortable. Respect that and take a step back. Start your communication process on the right foot.
References:
- Danesi, M. (2006). Proxemics. Science Direct.
2.The Lote Agency. (2020, September 20). “Don’t stand so close to me!” How does your culture affect your attitude to personal space?
3. Weithers, D. (2020). Rights and Responsibilities in our Personal Space. Paired Life.
4. Kreuz,R & Roberts, R . (2019). Proxemics 101: Understanding Personal Space Across Cultures. The MIT Press Reader.
